AIDS Quilt 21 AJ words for Andrew 1

I made this panel in memory of my first and only love - Andrew. I met Andrew in Oxford where we were both students. It seemed that fate was pushing us together. I was not 'out' and neither was he. So, what started of as an innocent friendship (with the 'friendship band' on the panel as his first gift to me) soon bloomed into a passionate, secret and loving relationship. Andrew was very good-looking, had a fantastic body, was very funny and incredibly randy. There were very few days in our two year relationship when he didn't want to make love. At this point neither of us knew that he had the wretched virus in him. Andrew was also very sensitive, caring, emotional and selfless. It is difficult to put into words all that he gave me. He loved books and this love is just one of the things that he passed on to me. The quote on the panel, "Don't be dismayed at good-byes..." is adapted from one of his favourite books - ‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach. Every time that I would become sad and heavy-hearted about his impending death he would hold me in his arms and say, "Aj, do you love me?" My answer was always and still is “YES! YES! YES!”, "Then we will meet again." He used this quote to overcome his fear of death and overcome the fact that he was leaving me behind. It is so full of hope; it meant a lot to us. He would never have forgiven me if I had lost my hope! Andrew adored the moon in all its glory - hence the moon on the panel. Gazing at the moon on a clear night, romantic walks in the moonlight, and writing poems about the moon were some of our best times together. Because neither of us were openly gay we often had to meet in tucked away places at night. The moon was our only companion all through this time. I still clearly remember the full moon midnight walk when he became very frustrated with the situation. I was going on about what we could do in the daytime, the places we could visit, etc. He interrupted me and asked "Aj, why are you dreaming all this? You know we can't meet during the day." Hugging him tightly to myself I said, "Andrew, look at the moon. I promise you that we will be together every night to watch the moon." Little did I realise then that there is no moon on the new moon nights. Usually this dark moon-less night happens once a month - but since the day that Andrew left me our moon has set for good. My love and passion for music rubbed off onto Andrew very quickly. On the panel I have put an audio tape of some of his best loved songs that he used to listen to all the time; these were also used at his cremation service. He also adored blood red roses and tulips. I knew that he would melt into my arms if I bought him blood red roses. On the panel I have sewn on the ring that he gave me to mark our first anniversary. The two chains (one his and one mine) were also gifts to each other. They were together when he was alive and thus they will still remain.