Our story begins at the top of the Northern Hemisphere,
where the night is quiet, peaceful and spectacularly clear.
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Welcome to the North Pole
Our story begins at the top of the Northern Hemisphere,
where the night is quiet, peaceful and spectacularly clear.
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Aurora borealis
Above us are the breathtaking Northern Lights,
Also called Aurora borealis, they are quite the sight
Electrically charged particles hit atoms in our atmosphere,
Which cause the green and pink lights to suddenly appear.
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Artic Hare
Snow white fur, a product of natural selection,
Helps the arctic hare avoid detection.
This hare is classified as a folivore,
Which means it eats only leaves from trees like the conifer.
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Artic Lemming
Here’s an Arctic lemming, which is a real creature,
To live in this environment it is has some unusual features,
Winter does not slow this lemming down,
No hibernation means activity all year round!
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Snowy Owl
Another resident with similar coloration,
Is the snowy owl on its yearly migration.
This powerful bird enjoys a diet of lemmings and hares
As well as any other rodent it can pluck from the air.
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Its thermoregulatory system controls heat production,
The release of melatonin ensures no heat reduction.
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Santa
But you are not here to talk about ecology,
You want to learn about that figure in mythology,
We’ll introduce him using science (of course he exists!)
We dare not deny it - we’ll end up on the naughty list!
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The home of Kris Kringle
Many stories about Santa are sheer fabrication,
For one he does not live at the North Pole but within another location.
To learn the truth about Santa you’ll need this handy guide,
First up let’s see where he really does reside.
St. Nicholas of Bari on the Bishop’s Throne (ca. 1514-16) by Andrea Sabatini da SalernoMuseo e Real Bosco di Capodimonte
Santa
The person called Santa is in fact an amalgamation,
Many different men and myths helped make this creation
The exact origins of Santa is a little bit murky,
But seems to have started with St Nicholas of Turkey.
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Born a rich man he gave away all his possessions,
Which in the 3rd century left quite the impression.
Combine him with Jultomten, Pere Noel, Christkind and an advertising jingle,
You make today’s red suited, jolly Kris Kringle!
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Santa's Home
Santa’s home is in Lapland and finding it is problematic,
Santa wants peace and quiet during his time off, of that he is emphatic.
Although finding the house can prove quite elusive,
We are lucky enough to have gained an exclusive.
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Letterbox
You may notice the letterbox out the front seems a little small,
Imagine the letters Santa would receive - what a haul!
Santa has his own post office which gives him a helping hand,
The address is Tähtikuja 1.96930 Arctic Circle, Finland.
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He and Mrs Claus lives in a kota built of wood with beautiful gables,
And of course, out the back is a large set of stables!
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The winters of Lapland
The winters of Lapland can last from October to May,
Which is why Santa’s transport is primarily sleigh.
Although it looks rustic the technology's cutting edge,
Equipped with rocket propulsion and nanotechnology (so we allege).
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Nanotechnology explains how he carries the present stockpile,
While rocket propulsion chews up those air miles.
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Inside the stables
Let’s look inside this barn where the reindeer rest,
Even the Queen’s stablemaster would be impressed,
Everything here is designed for reindeer relaxation,
After all the job couldn’t be done without their cooperation.
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Reindeer
We all know who live in these magnificent stables,
The nine special reindeer we know from our fables,
It’s been determined these guys are from the Svalbard subspecies,
(Which is handy for roof landing as they are small little beasties).
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Another fun fact - all the reindeers are girls,
As the males lose their antlers once the snow start to swirl.
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Svalbards
Svalbards are the most northern herbivore,
As you can imagine they appreciate being indoors.
In the wild they eat almost any vegetation,
And the seasons dictate their hide coloration.
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Jet Pack
During Santa’s travels the reindeers are kitted out,
With jet pack propulsion to give them extra clout,
The energy the jet pack uses is cold fusion based,
Which is nuclear energy without toxic waste.
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Rest
But sometimes the reindeers are given a rest,
An Arctic animal finds the southern climate quite a test.
In Australia Santa uses six white kangaroos,
And in some Northern countries two goats are used.
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The workshop
At the back of the property, just a short stroll away,
Is the massive warehouse where the elves spend their day.
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The Factory
This factory is inspiring as a workplace,
Equal rights for all is utterly embraced.
Elves vie to work here from all round the nation,
Due to its reputation of great compensation.
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Elves
Around the world elves go by different names,
But all have a reputation for playing cheeky games,
Hoeseker in Luxumberg, Tomts on Nordic shores
Yule Lads in Iceland and I’m sure there’s many more.
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Work Day
How do they make all these wonderful gifts?
They work seven hours in rotating shifts.
A job at this warehouse is rarely boring,
Good training and benefits keeps productivity soaring!
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Presents
How many presents are needed to meet expectations?
Five hundred twenty-six million by my calculations.
And that’s only accounting for one gift per child,
You can imagine that’s quite the stockpile.
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The delivery
It’s the big night for this jolly gift giver,
The millions of presents are packed and ready to deliver,
So how does Santa achieve this incredible feat?
Why, using physics and technology - it’s all pretty neat!
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The Sleigh
The sleigh itself is a marvel of engineering,
With retractable runners, lightweight design and power steering.
There are lasers which sense the most optimal course,
And Santa suit is engineered to counteract g-force.
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How do they fit?
How everything fits is straight out of sci-fi,
Santa harnesses nanotechnology to make presents on the fly,
Arranging groups of atoms like tiny little bricks,
He can create any gift and save space - it is a great little trick!
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Technology
Now how does Santa get to every house needed?
The technology is super advanced (so NASA has conceded),
Santa first uses the benefits of global time zones,
And starts delivering first to New Zealand homes.
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Relativity Clouds
As well as time zones Santa uses ‘relativity clouds’
A technology that astounds scientists and helps gets through the crowds,
Santa realised time can be stretched like a rubber band,
And uses little wormholes to delivers gifts as planned.
